A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

26 letters in the alphabet. Whats your favorite?

Had you asked me a week ago I probably would have said g (lower case). Solely because I like the way it loops down and it is always a real treat to write.

However, if your asking me today, 3 days after my birthday, I would defiantly say A.

 AAA to be exact. 

By now we all know that Ol' Betsy is far beyond her glory days. She has had her fair share of tire blowups, bumps, and leaks. Not to mention the "butt dent" from going into the ditch last winter - ouch. Or the numerous times I have locked the keys in the car. $69 to have the locksmith unlock you doors to be exact. Which is exactly why I am changing my favorite letter.

Let me explain . . .

Reason #1 that AAA is my new favorite letter(s) of the alphabet

I can call an 800# to have my tires changed, gasoline brought, towed to the shop, or have my doors unlocked if needed. Fabulous!

Reason #2 that AAA is my new favorite letter(s) of the alphabet

Triple A batteries. You need them for everything good in life. - Enough Said.

Thank you Mama & Papa Kunk for the wonderful birthday gift!  

Papa Bear - Hopefully this will minimize the amount of times I call you in a panic to have you help me with some new crazy mechanical issue.

good ol' clean humor

Q. Whats the difference between a cat and a frog?
A. A cat has nine lives and a frog croaks every night

Q. What does a hippie put on his mashed potatoes?
A. Grooooovy

Thanks Colby and Jeff for passing along the joy!

a.n.o.n.y.m.o.u.s

Dear Mailman,

Please send me an anonymous thank you letter so I can read it when I am frustrated and finally feel appreciated.

Sincerely,
Emily

across the lands

I found a new goodie!

Apparently you can track where your viewers are from.

Not crazy stalkerish, but the very general location (aka country).

 I found this very interesting and thought I would share.

 I don't even know anybody from most of these countries.

Thanks for tuning in!

United States 2,961

Germany 68

Nepal 45

Canada 40

United Kingdom 29

Russia 20

Spain 19

Brazil 18

Netherlands 18

China 14

adding insult to injury

As you may know, I spend a large portion of my day driving. Driving to work. Driving to Walmart. Driving to clients residences. Driving to schools. Driving home. Blah, Blah, Blah. Old Betsy can't take it much longer. She is falling apart - literally.

Refer back to my post throughout the past few months regarding my Chevy Cavalier if you need a refresher because this is solely an update on the most recent findings.

Last week as I was chit chatting with Mama Kunk, discussing my medical problems and grievances against me at work (aka a horrible, no good, very bad day), I eased into a parallel parking spot outside the high school. No, I did not give the car behind me a love tap. Instead, as I finished my conversation what did I do? Lock my keys in my car of course. Nice! Second time in a month.

Even more recently, I peered out my window to find that my drivers side mirror had a large gash straight down the middle. A large gash meaning a huge crack. Lovely, considering less then 3 months ago I had a handsome young whippersnapper change both of my damaged side mirrors for just under a hundred dollars.

At what point do you say your Clumsy? Forgetful?  Unlucky? Stressed? Or Stupid? And at what point do you just suck it up and buy a new car? Donations welcome.

rules of the road

It's been roughly 8 years now since I read, reviewed, and studied the "Rules of the Road" book for drivers ed. And yes, I do believe I actually read it diligently cover to cover in fear that I would fail my permit test. I remember reading about who has the right away, wolf packs, and construction zones. I even recall a chapter or two on lane changes, road signs, and lets not forget DUI's.

Why though, I must ask myself did they not include a special excerpt on hit and runs, murder, or self defense? This would have been helpful this weekend when I was put into a very controversial situation. 

Saturday night Jeff and I decided to go to dinner and play some billiards at the nearby bar and grill. We were sitting at the bar with a total of about 10 other people in the entire place discussing things like 401k's and the new wine cellar in town - obviously minding our own business.

As we chatted away I noticed out of the corner of my eye a few young ladies "grinding" on the dance floor with one another, as the night progressed they were surrounded by a group of guys who were participating in this sort of dance and snogging. It was quite disturbing, but. . . to each their own I reckon.

The night progressed and before I knew it, time for bed. A few minutes prior to our departure the snogging fools had left the bar...or so we thought. The group of questionable characters stood outside the front door puffing away. We exited the area and proceeded to the car. Suddenly I was being called words that even my utmost enemy has never called me. This is a G rated blog so I will leave the rest to the imagination.

Jeff and I exchanged glances and read each others minds that these are the type of hooligans who would have a knife and they obviously weren't worth the time and effort so we proceeded to the car.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

We got into the car and locked the doors Before I could start the car and drive away one of the hoodlums was kicking the back of my car and continuing to shout out very obscene things. So what is a girl to do? Whip it into reverse and back right up. Apparently he was able to get out of the way in time because a few minutes later he jumped the curb and was in the street continuing to yell.

Lucky for him I didn't want to get old betsy splashed with blood nor add another dent because she already has plenty. But I did speed up and swerve his direction to give him a fright.

Where do these people come from? Do they live in all cities or is mine special and unique? I must have an awkward look plastered on my face because I don't recall saying or doing anything offensive to these folks.

After getting home I thought about the way I handled the situation. Were my intentions to run over the brute? No, of course not. However, I couldn't think of many alternatives. Call the police? I know how long they take to get to the scene and by then my back window would have been kicked out - No Thanks.

My solution? Rewrite the rules of the road book so young children on the road know how to handle situations such as this. Got a better idea?

25 days til christmas

Some Christmas movies are like a good book.

You watch (read) it every year, always notice something new about the story, and it never gets old or boring.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Charlie Brown's Christmas

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Christmas is a spectacular time of year. The scent of freshly baked cookies, pine, and cinnamon that linger in the air. The houses decorated in lights. And of course the blow ups. . . Ah the blow ups. However, that is a  topic for a whole separate day.

Over the weekend I decided to do it. Put up a Christmas tree in my very own apartment. Luckily I had Jeff along for the ride who still managed to struggle with identifying which section was the middle and bottom. I did learn that they make directions for a reason. . . .

Unfortunately, I didn't have the nerve to go tracking out to a tree farm and cut my own down, but I did manage to capture this beaut.

The picture doesn't give our decorating job justice. I added some shiny cranberries and the balls have some special glitter and such on them that you cannot see in the picture. Regardless, I think we did good - 

Real Good.

During this process we did learn that my ceilings are exactly 7 and a 1/2 foot tall, which is why we had to bend the top a bit to get the star on top. Why is it that trees always look smaller outside your house?

ill? sick? or just downright dirty?

I'm not sure when my misfortune started. Was it the stinging netal in the greenhouse? Or perhaps the UTI that I will never live down? Maybe even the burn that peeled off the majority of my calf? Now lets not forget the swollen lip, with the cause still undetermined or the burning tongue. Or the endless others, which will remain unspoken of at this time due to enough time not having passed to laugh it off.

And No, these are not some transmitted diseases that I received from my significant other, but moreso the end results of my adventures into strange and distant lands.  I sware I take showers and I even occasionally wash behind my ears. Somehow my body just continues to call the germs over and ask them to attach to my body. Awesome.

As you can guess, a recent discovery has brought upon this new insight of mine. And no, I will not tell you about it right now, but please inform me of your bodily problems and perhaps I will divulge a bit more.

late night entertainment

Thanks Andrea for this oddly entertaining link. . . Sorry Jeff, but I never knew your had moves like these. You sure do know how to shake it.

daydreams or nighthorrors

Wouldn't it be nice if . . . .

• I had a ball pit at my house so I could jump in it whenever i want.
• Somebody donated me a truck load of childrens winter coats
• I had a fountain diet coke machine at my disposal
• It didnt matter if you ever wore shoes
• Toliets never clogged
• You didn't have to feel guilty about doing something fun (in public) on a sick day
• Cars took water instead of a gasoline
• Rats-nest hair was in style

and i think to myself.... what a wonderful world.

. . . a few things i like to do . . .

Ride down the stair in my sleeping bag

Uni Cycle



Pogo Stick!



Wear a cardboard box as a dress

Have a Wheelbarrow Race

1...2...3.... ahhh stop! slow down.

Hey you! Yeah you! Shhhhh! Quiet! Want in on a little secret? Promise not to tell? Well, I've been having trouble sleeping for quite some time now. My mind wanders. It thinks of things. Good things. Bad things. Strange things. There is no stopping it once it gets started. I've tried a few tricks to help fall asleep, but so far - nada.

I've even tried the oldest trick in the book. Counting Sheep. The problem is. . . These sheep are smart. They always start to jump to fast so I can no longer keep track. Eventually they blend together and I get frustrated and stop. Odd, I know.

Anybody have any great sleep remedies that don't involve being heavily sedated or a warm glass of milk?

burning the candle at both ends

Overall, I consider myself an independent young lady. That being said, I like to know that I have the supports if i need them as well as people will be here for me if I were to call upon them. Occasionally during the week I will call up my bow and ask him to visit me. Naturally he says no for practicality purposes and our conversation typically ends up going something like this . . .

Me: Can you come see me tonight... please please please
Bow: Aw babe, I can't tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow for a meeting
Me: Please please please. I am sooo lonely. (pretending to cry)
Bow: Maybe next week.
Me: I never get what I want. Nobody loves me. (pouting)

And then one day I let him in on a little secret. The secret being that I don't really NEED him to be here, I just want to know that he will come if I really want him to. I encouraged him to have a conversation more like this.

Me: Can you come see me tonight... please please please
Bow: Well I have to get up early for a meeting tomorrow, but if you really need me to then I will
Me: Ok. . . I think I'll be alright. Thanks anyways.

Yes, I know this sounds crazy. I am well aware. This is just how I function.   Anyway, I know there was a point to this post and I am somehow getting off topic. . . back to the matter at hand. . .

In addition to pretending that I am independent, I am also a busy body. I like to go go go. I get bored in the shower and I don't like to just lay around on the weekends. According to my mom I "burn the candle at both ends". Typically I wake up at the crack of dawn (about 7am) and am still wide eyed and bushy tailed around 2am.

Well last Friday things started to take a turn for the worst. The left side of my throat felt as though razor blades were cutting the inside. Ouch. Well, naturally I went about my day.

Then Saturday it slowly started to creep from my throat and began settling in my left ear. Sunday it was officially in my entire left side of the throat, ear, and then I also had a splitting headache. I slept until 11 and then took a nice long nap in the afternoon. Only to be accompanied, but an early bedtime. This sickness was really crampin' my style.

Monday I woke up, my entire throat was scratchy, both ears were popping every time I moved, my nose was running like a faucet and as red as Rudolph's, my head felt like it was going to explode, I had officially drank half a bottle of dayquil and was working on the NyQuil. Yet I continued to work and go about my day.

Tuesday morning my head was spinning, I literally fell into the wall getting out of bed. I decided it would be best to just stay at home and not share my germs. I laid around  and snuggled up with my teddy. I called my mom and our conversation went something like this. . .

Me: Listen to my voice (sounding gruff, scratchy, and like death)

Mom: Aw, do you need me to come up there? I can bring you some soup

Me: No, I think I'll be okay.

How is it that moms always know the right thing to say? Is it because she has 28 years experience at being a mom and somebody has already given her "the talk" on how to make people happy? Either way, I hope I'm that awesome at being a mom (in 30 years when I decide to have kids). . . Not to get all sappy. . . . By 5pm I was bored out of my mind. I hadn't seen another human being all day. I longed for human contact! Luckily, a young whipper snapper came over to keep me company and hack up a lung with me.

Upon waking up this morning I was certain a hot shower and some real person clothes would trick my body into feeling well. During my shower my head started spinning, I sat down to take a rest. I finished getting ready and began to drive to work only to run a red light. Well. . . technically I looked both ways and nobody was coming so I thought I could go - I dont think my head was working correctly'.  After arriving at work I sat in my car for 15 minutes and unable to get out. I turned around and went back home.

It was time . . . I called my mom. This time our conversation went something like this...

Me: Mommy.. can you come take me to the doctor

Mom: I'll be right there

1 doctor visit, 4 medications, a hot bowl of soup, a movie, and a hug later I am slowly starting to feel back to my old self. I can't wait to jump back on the horse and get back to work. This whole laying around on the couch thing really isn't for me.

*Yes I am well aware that I ramble, but I get too because this is my blog and I'm sick!

the finer things in life

There are few things in life that I do completely successfully. Typically they end in bumps, bruises, opps, and Oh No's! Occasionally tears are involved, but more often then not you will hear laughter. Not always me laughing, but perhaps the laughter of those around me. - Glad I could humor you with my pain. not.

For those of you who know me well (or even for a split moment) I wouldn't be surprised if some ridiculous story has already popped into your head. Do you think that truck sailed or flew here from Alaska? Is it really that untactful to take a "nap" in the bathroom? I enjoy running UP the escalator - do you? Diarrhea has been a problem, anybody care to catch it on film? Was that a glass door I just walked through?

Regardless of the situation, I can more often then not find a way to liven up the room. And No, it is not always done through the use of a good knock-knock joke. That would be far less embarrassing. Over the years I have become increasingly more comfortable in my own skin. Some might even go as far as to say that I have a thick "skull". This has made my embarrassment level decrease drastically as too my anxiety relating to making a fool of myself.

Some people aren't so lucky though. Some people can't put on their turtle shell and hide from it or brush it off their shoulder. For those individuals I just want to say I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I have been called sister bear, victoria, and mother eagle to name a few. I had the bangs, bras, and babysitting skills to prove it.

The more I have been working in the school system the more I see the direct effects of bullying. And to be quite frank - it annoys the snot out of me. I know I have said a mean thing a time or two or three or four. I just wish kids saw the direct effects that their words and actions have on others.

Oh what to do? What to do?

Estimates, Averages, & Exacts

I wake up 3 times per night and sleep for a total of 5 hours a night
I've lived alone for 10 months
I have 6 Sisters, 3 Brothers, 2 Brother-in-laws, 3 nephews, and 1 niece
My car is 9 years old and has 150,000 miles
I have been in a relationship for 9 years straight
I am 23 years, 10 months, and  13 days old
0 pets live with me
My Internet bill is $34.99 a month
I own 2 TV's
E is the 5th letter in the alphabet
My day consist of at least 1 stupid comment and 2 awkward moments
I shave my legs 2 time a week
I should shave my legs 4 times a week
The topic of death comes up 30 times a week for the past 40 weeks
In the past 10 months I have talked about death 1,200 times
There are 3 loads of unfolded laundry waiting for me
I have now wasted 5 minutes of my life writing this

The End.

Creative Juices? Aha!

It's that time of the year again. You know, less then 2 days before a costume party and I have yet to think of an awesome outfit . Yeah - that night. Why is it that whenever you are pressured to find something specific it is impossible to find. When you don't need to find it, you find a million.

Example #1: You need a fancy dress for a wedding so you go shopping - nothing! Then a few months later your shopping and you find amazing dresses in all the stores, but no party to go to.

Example #2: You haven't posted anything on your blog in a week+, people start questioning and stating tha they miss the randomness, but of course you can't think of anything random and interesting becuase your put in the spot. A few days later - Wala!

Well, this was exactly the feeling I have been having regarding Halloween. I wanted something amazing, creative, ingenious! And of course I could think of anything. . . .

Uuntil today that is. I have been slaving away - picking and buying, measuring and cutting, stiching and pinning. I would post a picture of the project I am undergoing, but I don't want to spoil the surprise, so frankly you will just have to wait.

What are you going to be for Halloween?

Legends & Lores

"At Rock River on 7th Avenue, many ghosts have been sighted along the Rock River along the bluffs and railroad tracks where many have died on the "blind corner" near the Dillon Museum hit by trains and also drowned in the river's strong currents. On the dead end road of Seventh Avenue it is said that you can hear a mother calling for her children and that a woman can be seen walking along the tracks and disappears in thin air." - Haunted Illinois

Thursday night, ABC, 8 o'clock - Grays Anatomy. While in college my roommate and I would often get a bottle of wine and plop down for our Thursday night ritual. Well, Laura may be living in Chicago now, but I may have found a Thursday night replacement - Sorry Loho. Only problem is, this replacement doesn't help me with the bottle of wine, which may not be in the best interest of my liver.

This past Thursday after watching Grays and finishing the bottle of wine, The Replacement and I started discussing "haunted" places. She informed me of the haunting at 7th Avenue in the town we live in, so naturally we had to go check it out. We drove over, parked the car and began to walk the tracks. After we came to the conclusion that we were not going to see any woman wandering the tracks we decided to venture down the steep hill and walk along the river.

After skipping a few rocks we came across what appeared to be an old wood dock/ramp that had washed up on the shore. It was about 7ft long and 3 ft wide. Instantly we had the wonderful idea that we could float down the river on this "raft". So we found a few boards to use as paddles and proceeded to push the raft out into the river and hop aboard.

To say the least, I felt like we were the stars in a movie and I was Huck Finn. All was going well as we slowly used out "paddles" to push out to sea. Suddenly we realized a couple of important details. 1 There is a dam up ahead and 2 we were sinking. Abort! Abort! So we hopped off and continued out adventure along the coast.

Soon we heard the train whistle blow so we quickly climbed up the hill, through the brush (collecting several kookaburras), and walked along the train on the parallel tracks. It was an interesting sensation, slightly windy and slightly terrifying that a train was going to come from the opposite direction and smash me to smithereens.

Eventually we made it out alive and returned home. No, we did not see a ghost *surprise surprise* nor did we float down the river, but it was a good adventure for a Thursday night. What next?

**Disclosure** Kids - NEVER EVER do what I do.

surprise, surprise, puppy surprise, how many puppies are there inside?

when i was little i can vividly remember racing downstairs each christmas morning in hopes that a saucer sled would be waiting underneath the tree with a big shiny bow on it. year after year i was disappointed. one year my sister got the exact saucer sled that i had put on my christmas list. another year my brother got the sled. and year after year i continued to circle the saucer sled in the jcpenny magazine so everybody would be well aware of exactly what was on my christmas list.

eventually i got that saucer sled and yes, it was every bit as cool and fast as i had dreamed it would be. but the point of this post is not to discuss my long lost childhood dreams or to make santa feel sorry that i never got my sled. moreso, i would like to take a moment to dwell on that oh so wonderful feeling that you get on christmas morning as you rush out to see whats under the tree. it is also the feeling that sits in the pit of your stomach as you shake the box in attempts to figure out what is in it (a few weeks prior to christmas).

well this is the exact feeling i had this weekend. a surprise? for me? how could this be? what is the occasion i asked myself repeatedly? apparently a handsome young man was well aware of the terrible, no good, rotten week i was having and felt it was appropriate to surprise me. how sweet. last week was horrible for the following reasons: the most relaxing day i had all week was tuesday and i was sick throwing up, i worked basically from 8am-9pm the rest of the nights and i only slept about 4hrs a night due to the feeling that toothpicks were holding my eyelids open even though i was exhausted.

saturday this all changed. i was told to get ready to leave at 4pm. where to, i asked? what shall i wear? who with? no definite answers. so i decided on a top and jeans. after a surprise dinner at a delicious pizza joint in chicago we ventured across the way. suddenly we were at the unitedcenter. at a hawks game! and it was glorious.

i had never been to a professional hockey game. it was everything i had imagined and more. and to make everything better - we won. i however, did get upset when the other team scored and accidentally banged my head very hard on a cement wall. ouch! nothing that the $7.50 beers couldn't take care of though.

so, saturday was full of that christmas joy that i get every year. it was by far the best day of my week. and to top it all off - that night i slept like a baby.

hannah montana vs miley cyrus

i want the old miley back. this chick is out of control and im fairly confident they dont let 17 year old girls into clubs like this one. clean it up miley!

It's A Boy!

Rarely Occasionally Frequently I will sit down and build a circular wall of bricks around me in order to force out any conversation or interaction with others regarding emotions or basically any type of feeling word.

Ok - so maybe I don't literally build a brick wall. That would require far to much physical labor for these *cough* dainty *cough* hands. I suppose a galactic force field might be the more appropriate terminology.

My force field terminology goes something like this. . .

"It sounded like a good idea at the time"
"I don't wanna talk about it"
"I'll tell you when your older"

Of course there is always the ol' "quiver a little and pretend to cry". That one works like a charm. Regardless of which of my sly techniques I choose to use, I caught myself contemplating if the big man on campus accidentally birthed me into the wrong body. . . You know - the wrong gender.

I thought about that for about a split second and then began to chuckle. Me? A Boy? Outrageous! I like boys too much and I clearly enjoy my attention seeking behaviors far too greatly. Oh well. . . Guess I'll just stick to my anti-emotion phrases and see how it goes. Stay tuned!

im gonna wash that man right outta my hair

I know the feeling. . . 

Shark Music + Bad Acting = Horror??

I love a good horror flick. A little jolt. That feeling in the pit of your stomach right before something dramatic is going to happen. Thankfully, I found myself a scary movie partner. Prior to my new fling I had difficulty finding individuals who would be willing to participate in my shenanigans. About 3 weeks ago we started our scary movie quest. We have yet to find one.

First we watched The Fourth Kind. It had the whole alien thing, which really doesn't send shivers up my spine. Next we watched Hostel. This was more of an "adult film" mixed with comedy then horror. The next was Hit & Run. Once again - horrible acting and they literally had shark music. Yikes!

So, the quest continues. Any suggestions? Whats your favorite horror movie? Is it the gruesome and gorey or more of the thrillers with the twist? Ideas are welcomed. We need to find something that we don't just sit and laugh at. The scariest part of the movies we have watched is when the cat jumped on the couch and I didn't expect it.

Speaking of scary. . . In 2 weeks my new partner, myself, and a few other brave souls are going to go to Statesville Haunted Prison. Haunted house here we come! Will we be scared or merely laugh our way through? We shall see. We shall see.

Pumpkin Spice, Apple Cider, & Haunted Houses!

Do you smell it? Did you catch a whiff? Aaaahhh - The sweet scent of falls aromas has been lingering outside my windows and drifting in the door. The weather this weekend was beautiful and ideal for a stroll through the park, or in my case - the cemetery.

There's something romantic about walking hand in hand with your significant other as the leaves fall around you. Theres something not romantic about walking hand in hand with your significant other along the river with trash strewn about. I often wonder if people in this town have heard of a garbage can? I get it - recycling is just too much work, but come on, is throwing things in the trash really that complicated?

After working 60 hours this week, I felt that leaving a little early on Friday was in order. Jeff came down early after finishing his insurance test so we decided to venture through the park, go out for dinner, and have a few drinks to celebrate. We somehow managed to run into the only girl in town that has mistaken me for a lesbian - time to go home.

Saturday and Sunday were both relatively relaxing. Watched some football (another reason I love the fall) The Illini had a great win over Penn State as too did the Bears pull out ahead. We played some tennis and basketball - Sorry for kicking your butt Jeff, but I'm a natural. And yes, we went for a walk in the cemetery. It was an interesting experience, but enjoyable none the less.

Tomorrow is the start of yet another week. Typically I would be moaning and groaning at the thought; however, Friday a very nice lady said that she can tell I love my job and "just think, your changing generations". I'm ready to go make a change and I hope you are too!

ok go

This band has the coolest videos. :)

quack quack quack

Ouch! My Feet Hurt. My Back Hurts. My Hands Hurt. Rub! Rub! Rub!

I've often wondered if other people enjoy back rubs as much as I do. I really don't think they do. I mean, how many people can say that they would honestly rather have a back massage then a new pair of shoes? delicious dinner? 8 hrs of sleep? a life long companion? - Okay, maybe not the companion part [a companion would be equal to a back rub because he would give me them at my beck and call]. Regardless. . . you get the picture. I absolutely love them!

I have come up with the following top 3 scientific explanations as to why I love back rubs so much...

1.  Apparently, (according to the Dr Scholl's) I have very low arches in my feet. Basically I am a flat footed duck. This in turn would impact my back and cause it to ache and pain as it does oh so frequently.
2. I was in a car accident when I was 17. An "interesting" lady with a strange tattoo of a woman shooting up her skirt decided to hit her boyfriend exboyfriend (who was walking across the street), when he would not get off the hood of her car (which she had borrowed from him), she decided to rear end us. Ouch.
3. I just love them! Hands down. No explanation needed!

i just wanna bang on my drum all day

Exactly how i've been feeling this week at work . . .

Raspy Voices, Smoker Lips and Cheap Purfume

Clink Clink Clink. I wish I could say that was the sound I was hearing when I was at the riverboat casino last night. In reality it was me pounding on the "spin" button in hopes I would triple my penny bet, but in fact it was the opposite - all my $ was dwindling away. Who would have thought? At a casino you don't ever really win. Surprise, Surprise.

Jeff and I decided to venture out to the quad cities last night. We first stopped at a shady little venue for a Comedy Sportz show. Lets just say - purple tinsel is so not in. We watched an improv show, which was actually quite humorous considering it was rated E. I enjoyed how they took ideas from the crowd and turned them into scenes. Who would have thought a German accent at an ice cream parlor mixed with strange dance moves could be so humorous?

After the comedy show we went for dinner at a delicious steak house and then decided to hit up the casino. Eventually all my money started to slowly quickly disappear. I was down to my last $10 and it was well past midnight. We decided to hit up one of the slot machines and risk it all. Before I knew it, my $10 turned into $40. I was thrilled!

The casino was fun. I doubt I will be returning there on a regular basis though - I mean, come on, lets face it. . . I didn't really fit in. I wasn't smoking, didn't have a raspy smoker voice, lacked the cheap perfume smell, and didn't understand how to play 90% of the games.

It Always Happens To Me x3

If you regularly tune into overgrown thoughts then you will be aware of the following about my car

Name: Ol' Betsy
Miles: ~150,000
Tires: Go flat all the time
Oil: Recently changed
Breaks: Recently went out completely
Driving Record: Not amazing

I'm sure I'm forgetting some key aspects so I would recommend reviewing it always happens to me and it always happens to me x2. I might even advise reading up on just my luck and road rage.  And of course there was the whole break & roter incident, which I couldn't even bring myself to talk about.

Well, It Always Happens To Me x3 is my latest addition to car troubles and here is what happened just today. . .

I woke up feeling well rested and ready for an adventure. I decided it was time to treat myself to something new and shiny - after all, I deserve it for all the hard work I do. As I quickly slid into a pair of pants and tee, I gobbled up some lunch, and headed out the door for my expedition to the mall (1hr drive).  I remembered I needed to return a movie to the RedBox at Walmart so I decided to make a pit stop.

As I was pulling into Walmart my temperature gauges started to go besurk. Instantly it was at 290degrees (red zone) and my "check gauges" was flashing, as too was my low coolant light. I eased into a parking spot to find that all of my coolant was GONE. Not a drip left. With head held high, I marched into walmart and bought some DexCool 50/50 ($12) and some toothpaste (not related to the car incident).

I popped the hood and filled Ol' Betsy up. At this point I was becoming a little weary of continuing my expedition due to the fact that I did not want to get stranded an hour from home. I started up the engine, slowly pulled out of the parking lot as I decided if I should go left (home) or right (mall). As I patiently waited at the stoplight my gauges began to dance up and down, my coolant light came back on, and the leak continued. My mind was made up. . .

Left. I called papa kunk, who was not all that reassuring. He began to list several things that could be wrong - none of which I had any clue what they were. So much for my trip to the mall. No longer was my head held high as a lone tear trickled down my cheek.

Ol' Betsy is now sitting out front, awaiting an expectation from papa kunk. What will the outcome be? A new hose? water pump? radiator? a kick in the rear? or a trip to the dump?

rowdy and rambunctious

There's a time in every girls life when she needs to just sit back and smell the roses. This is also known as people watching. Some prefer to call it "judging". I however, prefer to call it a good ol' night at The Red Apple.

Let me tell you how it all began. . . It was a Friday night. Tonight actually. Initially a night of hope and wonder full of what ifs and how abouts. But, then a friend didn't call me back for OctoberFest, I got uninvited to dinner at my own parents house, no partying with the big Dog, and suddenly I was all alone eating ramon noodles and doing paperwork. Yikes! Is this what my life has come to??

Then suddenly I heard it loud and clear. Almost as if it was ringing right next to me. Oh Wait! It WAS ringing right next to me, and it was my phone. As I peered down to the caller ID I saw it was none other then my 1 of a kind, crazy friend Kelly (whose name has been changed to protect the innocent). Kelly is one of those lively, full of spunk, energetic type of people... exactly what I was looking for on a lonely Friday night.

Well, Kelly and I decided to wander into the great unknown. We first ventured into The Red Apple for some breakfast (at 10pm). I FINALLY got to use my line on somebody.

Waitress: How do you want your eggs?
Me: Fertilized.

It was hysterical. I ordered BBQ sauce for my eggs. I insisted that the waitress tell me ALL the drinks they have available, and to top it off, Kelly and I were the only ones in the restaurant who weren't missing any teeth.

After a delicious drink of water (yes that is what I settled for), and a belly full of warm food we decided to head out to the bar and play some darts and shoot some pool. Apparently darts is more my game and pool is more Kelly's. Either way, we had a ball.

The best part was being the completely sober one in a bar on a Friday night. We found a few lady friends who apparently think all guys are "complete idiots". We shared some "man bashing stories". And watched the girls stumble about in their much to tall of heels. I wonder how many times I've been "that" girl. Not my cup of tea.

So - I'll take a drink and put my pinky up to good times, flat shoes, and a whole lotta booze.

Fur Coat?

With tough financial times comes budgeting. With budgeting comes cut backs. With cut backs comes creativity. With creativity comes fur coats....

I've been trying to save money. Start eating out less. Turning the lights off more. Stop driving in circles. Etc. However, as the season changes and it starts to get a bit brisk outside I've been racking my brain on how to stay warm without the expense of heavy jackets and tanning beds.

Solution: Grow your own fur coat to keep your legs warm and dry in the winter months.

Just to clarify. . . This was not intentional. I have been running around like a spring chick with it's head cut off. However, as I reached below the covers last night I did not come across a set of silky smooth luscious legs. Instead I jumped out of bed in fear that a big bear or beaver had somehow snuck under the sheets. Yikes!!!

limitless

Q. How do you come up with topics for your blog?

A. Oh, the workings of the human mind amaze me.

Job Skills Needed

Over the past 23 years and roughly 9 months I have had an array of different "experiences" when it comes to the work force. It is doubtful that I can or want to remember them all, but here is a little sample of my resume. . .

1. Picking strawberries at Plow Creek and getting paid by the pound.
2. Pollinating tomato plants with an interesting tool
3. Babysitting
4. Picking up rocks (thanks dad) - $10 a field
5. Detasseling
6. Waitressing at the Coffee Cup (family diner)
7. Waitressing/Cocktail Waitress at WiseGuys Bar & Grill
8. Preschool teacher
9. Reading Tutor
10. Volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club

Of course there are numerous others, however that is a glimpse of what I have been doing with my life over the past few years. Take note that nowhere on that list was a photographer.

Well, as many of you may know from my previous post Fun In The Sun I recently went on a vacation to Mexico. As I said previously, I am not a photographer. In fact, shortly after arriving in Mexico I somehow managed to throw my wristlet into the lagoon which had my camera in it. Leaving me unable to document our entire trip. However, I did manage to snap a few prior to destroying my camera so I figured I would share. Hopefully nobody in the photos minds that I am posting them. If you do - sorry.

This photo was taken right before we went to the "disco". Adam got lucky enough to have 2 dates. Which is unusual since he usually can't even get 1. . . Just kidding.

Here is 1/2 a picture (my photographing skills are not up to par) of the church that was located on the resort.

Asian pose!


Can you tell we are blood related?

The beautiful girls of the trip! Momma Kunk - Where are you?

The beach was beautiful and not overly crowded


Here is a picture of the inside of 1 of the 4 lobbies of our resort.

There were flamingos right outside the lobby. Shhhh! They are asleep.

First picture we took on Mexican Soil!

From the above photo it is obvious that we ate well! I may have gained 10lbs.

My sisters have better photos since their skills are a little better then mine. Hopefully I will get my clutches on their pictures and can share some of them soon!

Politics? ¡Ay, caramba!

As many of you may know by now I enjoy keeping things Simple. Plain. Easy going. Light Hearted. Or, at least the idea of those verbs entrigues me. In reality though . . . I get bored easily. I like to stay Busy. Occupied. Engaged. Energetic.

While I am "busy" I dont typically find the time to watch CNN or the 10 o'clock news, nor do I attempt to make the time. Is it so wrong that I didn't know about hurricane katrina until days later? Or an earthquake in Haiti? - A war in iraq? I've never heard of such a thing.

In reality, the news bothers me. It gets me worked up. I figure I know enough people that somebody will inform me of anything critical. Perfect example. . . Tonight I found out from a friend that there were 2 gang shootings in my town a few nights ago. Had i known about this 2 nights ago, I wouldn't have been sleeping. However, now that it is done and over, I can sleep soundly again. Make sense? No? Didn't think so.

Back to the point at hand. A few months ago I came across the following billboard. See previous post Obama vs Bush
Well today while driving along in my automobile (my baby beside me at the wheel) I came across a new billboard, which has taken Bush's place of honor. I giggled all day about this one. . .

I'm not jumping on the bandwagon of making fun of Obama, nor Bush. I feel we should be respectful of our president regardless. However... You have to admit. It's creative!

Fun In The Sun

I enjoy putting my hands over peoples eyes and making them guess who. I wonder what my response would be if somebody made me pick 1 word to describe my past week. Perhaps I would say paradise, amazing, beautiful, painful, peaceful, or hot. Or I might stick with awing, inspiring, relaxing, or tiring. Regardless of the word I chose to describe my past week I do know for certain that it was something I want to re experience as soon as possible.... which is why I am planning my next vacation for January (perhaps Jamaica?)

We shall keep this brief, because we all know that I could go on for hours about my vacation to Mexico. In a nutshell....

I worked Tuesday and then drove up to Chicago and spent the night in a hotel with the family - all 18 of us. I felt like we were on home alone and we left Kevin behind. At 6am we left for the airport. Our plane took off around 9 and we arrived in Mexico about 3 1/2 hours later. By the time we made it to our resort it was 3pm.

We stayed at an all inclusive resort which included food, beverages, showtime, and cute little Mexican men that would do whatever you asked if you agreed to blow them a kiss. Overall it was amazing.

On day 3 we went to Xplor , where I proceeded to go on 13 zip lines, drove amphibious vehicles through the jungle, explored an underground cave filled with bats which I swam through, went on a raft route through the underground cave paddling with my hands. We also had a delicious buffet to replenish our energy. Not going to lie - I peed my pants a little on the zip lines.

I am exhausted and I must go to bed, but I will post more later about my excursions!! Until then - Adios!

Funky Feces?

Saturday I went on an excursion to the Brookfield Zoo. It has been roughly 4 years since my last trip there. While I was there I learned a few things . . . The giraffes still have long necks. The elephants are still gray. And the monkey house still reaks.

As simple as those statements may seem - I actually love the zoo. The entire time I was there I couldn't get this childhood favorite by Raffi out of my head. . .



My favorite zoo animal has always been the monkeys (okay sometimes the giraffes). Monkeys are interesting the way they use their tails to swing about from limb to limb. I wish I had one to keep me entertained on rainy days - a tail, not a monkey. Aside from my favorites though, there were a few animals that intrigued me.

The Okapi is one of them. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a mix of a zebra and a horse or what. It sure was interesting though.

Unfortunately the Dolphin show was sold out so we didn't get a chance to check that out. We did, however, get tickets to Stingray Bay. I had pretty high hopes for this attraction considering I had swam with the stingrays in the Caymen Islands. Apparently at brookfield they frown against you taking your clothes off and taking a dip with the stingrays. So here is a picture from Caymen Islands May 2009. It was a blast!


While we were there I saw a 5 pelicans that were rescued from the Gulf Coast after the Deepwater Horizon oil spill (thanks a lot BP). They took the birds and gave them permanent homes at Brookfield zoo. They can no longer fly due to damage from the oil. Read more about them here

At the zoo I was able to see all types of fury friends, feathered faces, and hair humans (seriously)! The only thought I have to leave you with is. . . Going To The Zoo Zoo Zoo. How About You You You??

Top 5 Signs I Need More Sleep

I know I haven't gotton enough sleep because just today I have. . .

1. Washed my hair - twice.
2. Put my soda on top of the car to unlock the door. . . then drove off
3. My signature became "Emily Bedkel"
4. While pumping gas I sat down to rest - then started the car and tried to drive off
5. At the hospital I saw somebody restrained on a stretcher - I was jealous.

empty space

My brain feels like a giant squid. Or at least how I would imagine a giant mushy squid to feel. Maybe it would be better described as a bowl of jello - when you poke it, it just kind of jiggles and then returns to limbo.

Ever worn a headband? Has that headband ever been too tight? Get a headache? Well I have. And I have had a constant headache for the past 2 weeks. It feels like I have a headband on too tight, but when I go to take it off I realize there is nothing there. Take some Tylenol. Don't have any. Go to bed. Phone rings. Go back to bed. Dream your working. Got hit by a client. Wake up. Worn out. Legs hurt.

I feel overworked, underpaid, and in desperate need of a vacation. Luckily for me, it is exactly 1 week until I board the plan for Mexico. The trip could go 1 of 2 ways. I could either return well rested and ready to return to work OR I could return in handcuffs because I did some horrible unthinkable crime to one of my siblings due to irritation and going off the deep end. I'm hoping for the first.

Am I cynical? Perhaps. Do I like my job? Most days. Should I go to bed? Yes.

thumper the wise bunny

Today is the day that I realized how judgemental I am of other people. Should I stop thinking this way? Yes. Will I stop? Probably not. Will I share this new insight with you? Of course.

As far back as I can remember I have fought sleep. I believe this stems from my belief that something "exciting" is going to happen and I don't want to miss it. Or perhaps it is because I feel that "sleep is boring", as I have told my roommate several times late at night in the past.

Often at night when I am "fighting" the urge to fall asleep I will roam around the apartment, get out my binoculars to spy on the neighbors, or surf the web. My surfing around has led me to craigslist many a times. Usually I will search for a goodie for my apartment or even a fun class to take, but last night I decided to mix it up a little bit - Missed Connections.

As I began to read peoples tales of how they walked past a girl on the subway and knew it was meant to be or they saw a boy passing on his bicycle and they "locked eyes" I myself began to wonder if these people are in need of some serious help. I mean hello! Have they not heard about eharmony or match.com?? As these thoughts began to creep into my mind I realized that I was judging them - once again.

Perhaps I should sign up to to judge the largest pumpkin at the county fair or the 4H modeling show (I have experience!). Regardless, I should really stop judging people because I'm certain others could come up with lists miles long of all the foolish things I do.

I should really take Thumpers advice. He was wise beyond his years.

"If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all"

fact or fiction? either way - i agree.

1. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

2. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

3. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

4. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

5. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

6. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

7. Bad decisions make good stories.

8. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

9. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

10. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

11. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

12. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

13. What would happen if you ran over a ninja?

14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

It's A Hoax

Well I finally took the plunge and decided to set up my internet. And boy did I feel ripped off. Apparently there is even smaller print then the $19.99 "for the first 6 months. " I missed the "with cable package". Long story short. . . It is $29.99 a month (for the first 6 months... then $49.99) AND a $50.00 activation service AND $5 a month to rent the modem. Did I mention you have to buy your own wireless router?

This "adult" business is getting old. No wonder Peter Pan never wants to grow up. Geesh!

It's A Bird.... It's A Plane... It's Emily?

Sometimes I put my underwear on overtop of my pants, tie a sheet around my neck, and pretend to fly around my apartment. Is this normal?

Boo!

Some people are terrified of bats, snakes, the dark, small places, even clowns. Not me though. I'm basically a fearless babe.

Oh Wait! There is one small exception of the little creepy crawlers with 8 legs. Many of you probably know that since I have moved into this apartment I have had big and small spiders galore - leg and right, up and down, in and out. I'm not sure how they weasel their way in, but one way or another they do.

A perfect example of my scared level would be the day I was taking a shower. Minding my own business. Rinsing my hair (eyes closed). Upon opening my eyes I spotted it... big, scary, 8 legs and all. It was a Daddy Long Leg in the upper corner of my shower. I immediately screamed, and fell out of the shower. Ouch!

Another day I didn't shower at all because there was a big black and yellow spider lurking near the shampoo bottle.

Unfortunately for me, not killing the spider is worse then the process of actually killing it. If I leave it lurking there who knows where it will be the next night - possibly in my bed! Yikes. So thus far, I have had to face my fears and smash the things as quickly as possible and with as little contact as possible.

Well, for the past week in the downstairs hallway on the ceiling there has been a little creature roaming around. I see him nightly and check to make sure he hasn't made his way any closer to my apartment. Well tonight when I arrived home from work he was MIA. I searched high, I searched low - no where.

A few hours later as I was sitting on my recliner watching some trashy TV I spotted the little brute. Although he wasn't so little. Instantly I began to scream in hopes a concerned neighbor would come to check on me and kill the beast. Of course all my neighbors are old and senile so I had no such luck. Eventually I faced my fear and smashed him to smithereens. It was torture! Please help me.

Whats your fear?

We Got Cows

Do you ever feel like your living a scene from a movie? Like your a famous actor/actress getting paid the big bucks? As if you DVRed a scene and its on repeat? Or perhaps just stuck on pause?

Well I do. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the movie Twister, but for those of you who are not I will give you a quick briefing. . . Twister is a 1996 disaster film starring Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton as storm chasers researching tornadoes. The two are married, however, in the process of a divorce. Bill Paxton's girlfriend Jami Gertz plays the role of a reproductive therapist. The following scene is when the 3 individuals are stuck in the middle of a twister on a bridge in a rural area. Enjoy!



Back to the point at hand... Yesterday, I felt as if I were the therapist in this exact (minus the bridge and the twister) scene. Let me paint the picture for you.

It was midday and I was traveling from one clients home to another. As I was driving in a rural area minding my own beeswax (aka in the middle of a phone call with a client) I began to slowly turn Ol' Betsy (my beautiful car) to the left to continue cruising around the S curve. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I spotted a big black BEAST! Luckily the beast had a bell around its neck and I was able to identify the beast as a cow - since I do have training in this area.

As I came to a halt the beast ever so slowly walked into the middle of the road and just stared at me. A blank and helpless stare. To my client I stated "I gotta go - we got cows" and I quickly put Ol' Betsy in reverse and went to the nearby farmhouse to report the runaway. As I slowly pulled into the drive I instantly spotted numerous heaps of what some may refer to as "junk" others may call "treasure".

I approached the front door only to find the path blocked by a recliner. This was no ordinary recliner. This recliner was sitting outside, was completely backed against the door to ensure no entrance or exit. Oh? A Chair? Sure I'll have a seat!.....Well just kidding about the sitting down part...

Next I ventured to the back door, After knocking in a somewhat rhythmic fashion for several minutes I decided to stick my nose to the glass and take a gander inside. What did I find you ask? A porch stacked from top to bottom with "things". There was no way any individual could maneuver their way through these heaps of "treasures". 1 word describes the scene I encountered - Hoarder (refer to previous post).

Suddenly in my mind I imagined the following scene from Home Alone taking place....



Once this thought popped into my mind I took off running - Phone in hand, 911 on speed dial. I jumped in my car and pealed out of that place. Of course the farm girl and concern for others got the best of me. I decided to call the sheriff department and report the beast to them so they could handle it accordingly. Of course nobody answered.

After deciding that I had given it a good faith effort to get the beast back in it's pen I decided to continue on my journey along the country road. About a half mile up I spotted a farm spreading manure across the field. Of course I flagged him down to express my concern about the beast and the harm it could do to some poor passerby.

The farmers response? "Oh! That's Old' Betsy. I've Been Looking For Her For Weeks".
My Response? "Oh? That's My Cars Name Too".

And that story is a perfect example of how this little lady feels like a movie star on a day to day basis!

Its official... not to be confused with UNofficial

the debate is over. period. end of story.
I can't handle the torture, the torment, the absolute chaos of not being able to log onto the world wide web on my every whim. Luckily for me, for a limited time only I can get a real steal through comcast for $19.99/month for 6 months only.
Of course make sure you read the small print. After the first 6 months, it magically becomes $59.99/month. Yikes! Maybe I'll reassess in 6 months and see if I can go back to stealing internet from my helpless neighbors.
Well I'm off to the store to do some internet shopping. Wish me luck.

Too Much Fun? Whats That Mean?

First, I must preface this post with the fact that I'm an Orange. To those of you who do not know what I am referring to... All you need to know is that I'm awesome, like to party, and know how to have a good time. That being said, I felt like this song was appropriate.



Over the past 11 days while I was on a forced "break" from blogging I have undergone some rather thrilling adventures. Let me give you the brief recap.

#1. Six Flags Great America. It was here that I attempted to go on every single roller coaster. Some of the individuals who embarked on this journey with me were not as daring as I, so we did have to skip a couple (which i was not very happy about). I did, however, manage to wiggle my way onto the giant drop, which made me pee my pants a little.

#2. Magic Waters. Whoever came up with the idea of inventing a water slide that spins you around as if you are in a toilet bowl was a genius. I did somehow manage to get a little sun burnt, get into a verbal fight with some little punks who thought they were cool enough to skip the line 5 times, and go on a water slide which was completely covered and pitch black inside. This too made me pee my pants a little, which was more acceptable then while at location #1.

#3. Wedding. Who doesn't enjoy a little romance mixed with some bad dancing and an open bar? Mix the 3 together and you know your bound to have a good ol' time. Somehow I managed to completely embarrass myself in front of the grooms parents, have ice cream splatter across my legs, and get yelled at by the bartender. Surprised? - Didn't think so. Fortunately for me (and my date), peeing was not involved in an inappropriate way at this venue.

#4. Nap. I never thought a nap could be included in an adventure; however, if it includes a dream that you are a race car driver, shark attacks, and large boulders. I think it deserves a shout out.

I know I had more excitement then that, but those were my main attractions for the past week. Stay tuned because next week I am going to attend a Polo match. Can you say Pretty Woman? This should be interesting. . .