Dear Body,

Thanks for the wonderful legs, they are really beautiful when the hair is shaved off and I can actually see whats underneath. I'm sorry for all the scars, but my cousin felt the need to burn me with a shovel when I was 8 years old and the rest are from the barbed wire fence I felt the need to jump.

I'm sorry for dying and straightening the hell out of you Hair. I should have appreciated the mousey brown color my momma gave me, but instead I felt the need to let my sister dye you platinum blond. I'm just happy you didn't fall out. I promise to take better care of you for now on.

To my hands and feet: I'm still not sure why you are so large and in charge and continue to grow sprouts of hair where you shouldn't. Nothing a razor can't take care of, but I don't think I'll heal from being called froto.

I continue to blame the caveman for inventing the wheel, I don't believe I would have this large tire around my waist if it wasn't for him. Could it be from lack of exercise and a few to many beers? - Most certainly not.

I'm sorry for the times that I flaunted my boobs around or wore that skimpy shirt. I tried wearing a cardboard box around campus town, but they still are the center of attention. I don't look forward to having children.

You look pretty good butt. I know you have a lot to support with those love handles sitting on your shoulders. Don't worry, I don't have to big of expectations for you, I recently disposed of my so called "skinny" jeans.

Body, I know I've neglected you over the past several years but I promise to do better for now on. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,
Your Owner & Worst Nightmare