WANTED: duck tape, stitches, or filter

I need stitches. Not the kind of stitches that you use to hold your skin together after you accidentally slice through a tomato at the wrong angle. Not the kind of stitches that you use to put the perfect hem line in. No, I need the kind that Edward Scissor Hands has.

You know, the kind that sew your mouth shut and prevent you from blurting out every little thing that is on your mind. The kind that would make me look like Frankensteins twin sister. And the kind that would prevent me from hurting feelings, making enemies,
and having to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Yes, I need stitches.

I appear to be suffering from something that the professionals refer to as "word vomit". According to Urban Dictionary it is the uncontrollable act of stating valid facts at an often inopportune time in conversation.

For me, inopportune happens more frequently then not. It happens in the mornings, in which I blame not having had my morning coffee. It happens in the afternoon, in which I blame needing a nap. It happens in the evenings, in which I blame being.... well.... being me.

The fact of the matter is - I need a filter. A nice one. An expensive one that you can only purchase online. One for a Britta made of solid gold...

Actually, nevermind. Who needs a filter? If I had one of those things my life would be a total dud. BORING! I would have a thousand questions without any answers. I would spend my day wondering aimlessly. And I would feel like a total waste of space - basically I would be better off in the recycling bin.

Instead, I think I will try being straightforward without being insensitive. Outspoken while being polite. And honest with passion. 

Sounds nice. I think I'll try it. What are you going to try this week?