Bad things come in 3's

My life is comparable to an old farmhouse with a caving in roof and a gate that doesn't quite latch properly. To the naked eye it appears in shambles, and to the trained eye it is shambles.  Why is it always something? Something broken. Something that needs to be fixed. Or some new disease. Welcome to my so called life.

Following Friday's lovely little food poisoning episode I had a fabulous Saturday. I played some darts, talked to some very country folk, ate taco dip, and got to do it all in the company of a lovely lady named Laura - The girl who makes me feel much better about my shambles. No offense.

As I woke up Sunday morning things began to take a turn for the worst. I noticed a small burning sensation covering the top and sides of my tongue. I ignored the feeling and decided I had probably just burnt it on the pizza I had eaten the night before. However, as the day progressed the burning turned to swelling, and the swelling turned to big red bumps, and the big red bumps turned into an emergency trip to talk to the pharmacist.

We both decided it was an allergic reaction to something I had eaten or drank the previous day, so I snatched up a bottle of benedryl and began sipping it as if it was kool-aid on a hot summer day. As the day progressed so too did the burning, swelling, and red bumps. I suffered through the night and decided to head to the doctor the next morning.

After gagging on the q-tip for the strep test, ruling out allergies, and ruling out viral infection the Doctor sent me home with a fancy word for "irritation/inflammation of the mouth and throat" and a prescription for some steroids. Great, now I'll start losing my hair, changing my sex characteristics, and have stunted growth. Just what the Doctor ordered - literally. Along with my fancy diagnosis he gave me his business card with website and suggested I scroll to the bottom right to get to psych. Just to summarize, in my mind he is telling me it's all in my head and I'm crazy. At this point in the day I am becoming more irate as the moments pass.

That night I woke up in a sweat and unable to catch my breath due to my throat swelling shut. I took cough drops, hot tea, cough syrup, water, and a walk outside. I felt I was near death and almost speed dialed my neighbor to rush me to the ER. Unfortunately I had puked there merely days prior so I proceeded to calm myself and relax my throat to avoid seeing the pearly lights.

3 days later: My tongue is slightly less swollen, it continues to have freaky red bumps on it, and I have now developed a very deep and raspy cough to keep it company. As if that isn't enough, my stomach is constantly gurgling and I continually have the feeling of neausea. Fabulous.

In addition to my freaky disease, I finally took Ol' Betsy for an under the hood inspection to determine what the cause of her rumbling is. Apparently I need a new alternator. Just my luck.

To top it off, I was driving home last night and got pulled over for a busted headlight. Is this a sign from the big guy upstairs telling me that I need to make some changes in my life? I don't know, but if anybody wants to put in a good word for me it would be greatly appreciated.

So yes, I feel like my life is a hot mess, in shambles, and a train wreck. Help.